Saturday, December 11, 2010

it came free with the soul

There's a phrase that has been circling my mind for some time.

"It came free with the soul."

I saved it somewhere safe, thinking one day a poem would come out.  Hasn't happened yet.

It came free with the soul.

Inspiration comes from God, I guess... only it seems that there are those who would seek to put God in a box, saying that He only looks like one thing... that He doesn't move around and within and between and above and below and "every other side to which we are exposed..."  Thus the times when I feel Spirit raining from the trees, shining from the sky, squishing between my toes, glittering before my eyes, fluttering in my heart, smiling from the face in front of me, I hope it's safe to call that God.  And that eye I see all that with?

It came free with the soul.

I was thinking yesterday that I have become almost nearly exactly what I always wanted to be.  I sleep alone but swaddled in the warmest colors I know, accompanied by dreams of swirling shapes and safe voices, and awakened to hot water which magically rains as I happily dance myself clean.  This happens nearly every morning.  I am no one's mother, but I am auntie to some of the loveliest little ones I have ever known and have been blessed to lay hands on some young people whose names I still breathe in prayer whenever they come before my inner eye.  From the tips of my toes to the ring in my nose to the hairs growing out of my head, this body turns out to be just what I needed for my run through this world.  All this.  So much that I am sometimes so full that it seems that the only rational response would be to run out into the street and explode.  I am blessed and richly favored, and it appears that

It came free with the soul.

I read where Baha'u'llah wrote, "My calamity is my providence.  Outwardly it is fire and vengence, but inwardly it is light and mercy..." but somehow when the moment is upon me I always find it hard to remember to knit together the fire I feel with the light of which He wrote... and although I have felt burned by vengence, it is never clear until later that it was mistaken mercy.  It took time to sense the Hand in which I was so tenderly held, but I really must remember that

It came free with the soul.

So although I still feel the burn of that last fire... and oh, I still have to keep it covered because that shit hurt... deeeeeeeep b r e a t h . . . I heard Spirit moving in words I heard sung this morning... "I hear the angels whisper that troubles don't have to last always.  I hear the angels whisper even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday.  I hear the angels whisper this, too, shall pass..." and remember that although sometimes I don't see where He is going with all of this, there is a path.  It happens that

It came free with the soul.

So... me?  The one with all the impatience?  The one screaming in the face of injustice?  The one who can't wait to get up and run?  Let it wash over you.  There is no way you could afford this.  Fortunately, this, too, is part of the deal.  It came free with the soul.

3 comments:

a man of good fortune said...

I guess it happened. I'd love to hear you read or recite this yourself. Love this stuff B. You've got a truth portal wide open and it's letting a beautiful spectrum of light into the world. Thank you.

Blue Shutters said...

Brother, honestly, I think of you every time I write. Your encouragement of this bit of inner-on-the-outside has always meant so much. It's been a long time, but I was thinking the other day about all of the times you were the rock in the room and how grateful I am for your friendship. Nothing but LOVE to you and your family. :)

lithe_mama said...

I am so proud of who you are. By the way, I love the idea of God "squishing between your toes". What a delicious phrase.